


Mga Damdaming Nabaon Sa Lupa

by mumumoomoo



Category: Karanduun (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt, Other, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:07:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumumoomoo/pseuds/mumumoomoo
Summary: :(((trigger warning for sad suicidal thoughts))
Kudos: 2





	Mga Damdaming Nabaon Sa Lupa

Dead. Everyone is dead.

The last thing I saw: flames. The stomach-turning silence of a once lively barangay. The flames seared the flesh of my back but my whole body felt cold. 

I just want to hug my parents again. For them to tell me it was all a dream. For them to say "Bangon na Saria, maghahanda pa tayo ng umagahan para sa mga bata." 

Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Umaasang sa susunod na pag gising ko, kasama ko na sila ulit.

  
When I opened my eyes, it was neither what I used to believe was heaven, nor what I hoped for in blank darkness that is death. They were white ceilings. Hinanap-hanap ko ang aking pamilya kahit sukong-suko na ang katawan ko. Gumapang ako paalis sa kama, bumuka ang aking mga sugat at ako'y nagdadasal na lang na eto ang tumapos saakin.

The first person I see: Duran.

Siya daw ang nakahanap sakin. Ang nagdala sakin dito. Blanko ang aking isipan habang kinakausap niya ako ng mahinhin. Tinitigan ko siya sa mata, naghahanap ng kasagutan.

"Di ko hiniling na iligtas mo ako. Ayoko nang mabuhay."

His eyes were hidden by his dark glasses but something in his expression, and the way his voice quivered told me that he, too, holds a heavy loss in his heart-- something we both now have in common. I cried the hardest I've cried as he told me forgotten words of comfort and motivation. It felt too familiar, too honest, like it's something he'd been saying to himself repeatedly.

"Protekta."

"Hustisya."

Ang mga salitang tumatak sa aking isipan. At sa mga salitang iyon binuo ko ang sarili kong binasag ng Gumamela.

Nang nakilala ko ang Hiraya, kumapit ako sa pag-asang may buhay pa para sa akin. Na may mauuwian pa akong pamilya.

Ngunit-

* * *

  
I look up. Asterio, in his winged form, begging me to take his hand and escape the collapse. I drag him down.

I can't think anymore, I'm barely breathing, barely seeing. I could feel Asterio's warmth and tears as I prevented his escape. I hated it. I hated how I still feel sorry for him. I hate how I made him bleed.

I hate myself. I promised to protect everyone, and yet all I do is destroy everything in my path. First was Sana, then Amado, and now... this. I do not deserve this life, Duran.

The last thing I see: flames. It was him. His skin was cracking and he looked at us with sadness in his eyes. His flames were powerful, but for me it was warmth, comfort, and... dread.

_"Protektahan niyo ang isa't-isa."_

It was those words again. I knew what he was going to do. I would've done the same.

Tala and the others were dragged out. One by one, they all went away.

Patawad Tala, hindi na kita masasamahan.

Patawad Has, binigo kita.

Patawad Asterio, sayo ko ibinuhos ang lahat.

Patawad Inday, nawalan ka nanaman ng tahanan.

Patawad Duran, kasalanan ko lahat.

Patawad Inay, Itay, nawala ko na ang sarili ko.

Tatapusin ko na buhay ko para wala na kong masaktan pa.


End file.
